so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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