you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He told me they were just razor bumps!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
