She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
