I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
