I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
