The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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