you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
