I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
