your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
