whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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