I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can text with my tongue
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
