I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
