ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
