oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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