I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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