Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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