So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
