so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
