I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
