Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
