We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
