Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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