Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
