the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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