You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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