woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
