Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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