I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
