Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
