i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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