Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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