Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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