Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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