my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
