i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
