i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
