Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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