I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
