I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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