pedialite and red bull = repair kit
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
