Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My vagina just clenched in fear
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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