The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
