I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
