This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
