i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
