thus making me awesome and them whores
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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