How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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