New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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