FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
