Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
