don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
